Trump Tower: Take a Tour of the Saddest Building in NYC

For the duration of his criminal trial, Donald J. Trump has moved back into the penthouse of Trump Tower at the corner of 5th Avenue and 56th Street. With the owner and former president back in residence, you might think they’d spruce up the abutting commercial and retail space. You’d be wrong. The Daily Beast dropped in earlier this week for a tour of the “crown jewel of The Trump Organization.”

FIFTH AVENUE ENTRANCE

Metal barriers take up half the sidewalk and serve two purposes: (1) to hold back crowds; and (2) to force people to cross the avenue if they want a selfie of themselves giving the finger to Trump Tower.

At least four police officers patrol the residential entrance on 56th street, but security to enter the public space is lax. During Trump’s presidency, the building required a thorough bag check by armed officers. Now a small sign near the entrance reads, “All bags are subject to search by security personnel.”

THE LOBBY

The Trump Organization website brags, “One of the most notable features of Trump Tower is the breath-taking 60-foot waterfall embellishing the eastern wall of the building.”

Today, it’s notable that there’s no water in the waterfall. And a waterfall without water is just a wall. Here’s a shot from the second story looking down:

So much has changed in the past eight years since Trump called the tower “home.” Ivanka’s eponymous fine jewelry store is gone. And remember the Currency Exchange that served as the backdrop to the iconic moment that Melania and Trump stepped on the escalator?

That’s gone, too.

But let’s not pine for what is lost. Let’s see what’s there…

GROUND LEVEL

A quick glance from the escalator reveals a familiar figure sitting in the café area.

A closer examination clarifies that it’s just a Trump cosplayer taking a break.

Currently under construction, the Trump Café will “most likely open the second week of May,” said an elderly security guard. Then he wiggled his hand in a “give or take” gesture, suggesting not even he believes that will happen.

Trying to help, the guard pointed me to Trump Sweets which offers the full café menu.

At the counter stood a woman in a glittery silver ensemble. She seemed out of place in New York, where people tend to dress more like the woman to her left. Perhaps the Silver Lady slipped through a portal that connects Mar-a-Lago and Trump Tower… along with this guy in the purple jacket and sunglasses.

Around the corner from Trump Sweets is the Trump Tower gift shop, whose signage could use some updating. (Note: 2020 was not a great year for Trump.)

Inside the store is a jumble of Trump-related products.

I asked the clerk to name the store’s most popular gift item. He grabbed a deck of $15 Trump Presidential Playing cards. “We sold 7,000 decks,” he said.

Then he fanned a worn deck and recited his worn pitch: “Trump is the king. Melania and Ivanka are the queens. And most importantly, look who is the joker…”

In the more upscale golf shop, there were $5 Trump-embossed gold chocolate bars and a single copy of Don Jr’s book Triggered for sale. There’s no way to know if Don Jr. slipped the book in there himself.

SECOND FLOOR

Starbucks departed in spring 2022 and was recently replaced by “Nerolab Italian Food Zone.” The Rome-based chain’s tagline is “Nerolab, WHY NOT!” But a better tagline would be: “It’s better to be food-zoned than friend-zoned.” It’s right there. Why not!

OUTDOOR TERRACES

Both public terraces appear to be permanently closed to the public. The lack of public outdoor spaces may be in violation of a deal with the city which traded additional square footage for these gardens. In the smaller exterior space, what’s visible through the window looks sparse and untended. Maybe the RNC could pay for a few Trump gardeners along with all those lawyers.

The large glass doors which once opened up to a second, grander terrace are now mirrored over and locked. This is not the first time that shiny has replaced transparency in Trumpworld.

A FINAL NOTE

On Tuesday, Trump posted “It was my great honor to welcome former Japanese Prime Minister Tarō Asō—at Trump Tower this evening!” and attached this photo:

The backdrop of the marble and brass confers class to the image. Meanwhile, that same day, in another part of Trump Tower, even marble and brass couldn’t hide the trash.

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