Our top moments of the week:
10. Strangest Showstopper: On The X Factor, it's not the three finalists that everyone is buzzing about but judge Paulina Rubio, who performs her song, "Boys Will Be Boys." Dressed in what appears to be an armored black teddy topped with marabou feather epaulets, Pau Pau is a vision in fetishwear as she prances around on stage, whipping her male backup dancers into shape. And although we give her high marks for performing with the energy of someone half her age, unfortunately it's also with the same lack of self-awareness.
9. Best Cliff-hanger: Marshall finally arrives at the Farhampton Inn on How I Met Your Mother and apologizes to Barney for missing the rehearsal dinner. "I know I can't make up for being late, but I did get you a special gift," he says. "You might want to wait until after the wedding photos." "Hand it over now, travel breath," Barney taunts. And hand it over Marshall does (or prepares to, at least): He winds up for the fourth slap! The next new episode? "Slapsgiving 3: Slappointment in Slapmarra."
8. Old Habits Die Hard Award: On Watch What Happens: Live, Steve Carell breaks nearly every Office fan's heart when he explains how much he hates "that's what she said" jokes. He hates them, he says, because no one seems to know how to properly use the joke anymore. Thankfully, Carell shows the world how it's done when, a short time later, his Anchorman 2 co-star James Marsden explains that he got his '80s-style hair through "a lot of time spent blowing that out," to which Carell promptly, and slightly self-mockingly, interjects "that's what she said." Now that's how it's done!
7. Unhappiest Homecoming: In order to stop Peter Pan's curse from taking over Storybrooke during the Once Upon a Time midseason finale, Regina is forced to give up the one thing she loves most in the world: Henry. In doing so, Storybrooke would cease to exist and Emma and Henry's memories would be wiped clean. As a parting gift, Regina replaces their memories with ones wherein Emma never gave Henry up for adoption and they lived happily ever after... until Hook shows up at their NYC doorstep to tell a clueless Emma that her parents are in trouble. Ruh-roh!
6. Best Surprise Performance, Part I: "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear." Those are Buddy the Elf's magical words of advice in the modern holiday classic Elf and the film's star, Will Ferrell, does just that on the Late Show. In addition to his sit-down interview with David Letterman, Ferrell brings the Vienna Boys Choir onstage to sing Christmas carols such as "Christmas Time Is Here." The best part? Ferrell tries to match the young boys by singing octaves higher than his normal range. Suffice it to say, there's going to be lots of holiday spirit to go around this season.
5. Most (Un)forgettable Wedding: Who shot
J.R. Emily Thorne? Why, it's none other than Daniel! Her new hubby fires two bullets into Emily on Revenge after he catches wind of her revengenda, including her plan to frame Victoria for her "murder." But the shooter's identity is not the biggest twist. Emily is alive (duh), but she has amnesia!
4. Butt of the Joke Award: Jennifer Lawrence is at it again! Asked during her appearance on Conan what her dream job is, the charmingly filter-less Oscar winner says it's to be a hotel maid, partially because she'll get to snoop around guests' belongings. She then reveals that during a recent stay in a hotel, someone bought her "a copious amount of butt plugs" as a joke (sure, Jen), so she hid them under the bed from the maid. "Then I came back and all of them were brought out of the bed and were in this beautiful display on my bedside table," J. Law continues. "I think she knew what she was doing. They were under the bed. I wanted to leave a note like, 'not mine' or 'bought as joke.'" Now who gave her the butt plugs?
3. Best Surprise Performance, Part II: Lady Gaga visits The Voice for the first time to perform her single "Do What U Want" on the Season 5 finale. R. Kelly, her duet partner on the track, is MIA, but she gets a pretty great replacement: coach Christina Aguilera, who stuns viewers when she suddenly appears in a gold dress from behind a glittery seashell on stage. And our girl X-Tina doesn't just sing the song, she acts it out too by sitting next to Gaga and tenderly holding Gaga's face to her chest before a butler arrives on stage to hand the ladies glasses of champagne as rose petals are thrown on top of them. This season on The Voice, we really do all win!
2. Best Christmas Miracle: Looks like all dogs don't go to heaven. Three weeks after Brian was tragically killed in a car accident, Family Guy gives the Griffins the best Christmas gift ever and resurrects him. After Stewie tells a mall Santa that he wants Brian back, Vinnie sees Past Stewie at the mall, who still has the time machine Stewie was using when Brian was killed. The two use the time machine to go back in time and save Brian before he was hit by a car! And Seth MacFarlane? He's paws-itively gloating about the happy ending. "I mean, you didn't really think we'd kill off Brian, did you? Jesus, we'd have to be f---ing high," he tweeted. In hindsight, we Shiba Inu it.
1. Deadliest Cliff-Hang-er: Earlier this season on Homeland, a doctor described Brody as a cockroach, always surviving no matter the circumstance. He appears to be un-killable again in the Season 3 finale when, after having murdered Akbari, he inexplicably manages to sneak out of Akbari's compound without getting caught and reunites with Carrie. But not long after, Javadi's men apprehend him and sentence him to be hanged. "It's over," Brody tells Carrie. "I want it to be over." Against his wishes, a helpless, distraught Carrie looks on as Brody is hanged. The cockroach is finally dead. But is Homeland reborn?
What were your top moments?
Happy holidays! See you in 2014!
- Arts & Entertainment