A selection of comic lines from Phyllis Diller, who died Monday at age 95:
— "I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they'd boo."
— "I never made 'Who's Who,' but I'm featured in 'What's That?' "
— "When I told Fang I was going to have my face lifted, he said, 'Who'd steal it?'"
— "You know you're old when your walker has an airbag."
— "I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody."
— "I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband."
— "My vanity table is a Black & Decker workbench."
— "The only thing domestic about me is I was born in this country."
— "They say housework can't kill you, but why take the chance?"
— "I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions."
— "Think of me as a sex symbol for men who just don't give a damn."
— "The best contraceptive for old people is nudity."
— And actor Dylan McDermott shares this line via Twitter: "One time (Diller) came over with a 70-year-old guy. Told me she was 'robbing the cradle.'"
- Arts & Entertainment
- Phyllis Diller