Celebrities and Their Should-Be Theme Songs

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Justin Bieber in 2011.  Photo by Adam Sundana.
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Justin Bieber in 2011. Photo by Adam Sundana.

Love them or hate them, celebrities have a way of striking a chord with their fans and marching to the beat of their own drummer. Given the amount of time they spend in the spotlight, we think it's only fair to pull out all the stops and give a few of our favorite celebs their very own unofficial theme songs. Whether they're blowing their own horns, hitting the right notes, or getting ready to face the music, here's how our celeb soundtrack would play if we called the tune.

In the world of baby-related drama, we think that maybe-dad Justin Bieber deserves Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean," since he's claiming the kid is not his son. Meanwhile, true "Belieber" Selena Gomez gets Tammy Wynette's "Stand by Your Man" for obvious reasons. "Dancing with the Stars" contestant Bristol Palin, who did a rendition of the horizontal lambada with ex-fiance Levi Johnston, told her "Papa Don't Preach" and kept her baby.

The formerly lovelorn Jennifer Aniston seems like a perfect fit for Etta James' "At Last," given how well things are going with new beau Justin Theroux. We can think of a number of great options for her ex-hubby Brad Pitt, not the least of which is the "Brady Bunch" theme song. Given his frequent flying across the ocean to let Angie get her way, maybe "I'm With Stupid" by the Pet Shop Boys is a better choice, or "Would" by Alice in Chains since, you know, he "made a big mistake." For Pitt's not-quite-wife Angelina Jolie, it's a toss-up between Buckcherry's "Crazy B*tch" and Rihanna's "S&M."

For erstwhile bride Kim Kardashian, we think Madonna's "Material Girl" is appropriate, as is "Promiscuous" by Nelly Furtado. It looks like she's learned the hard way that you can't unring a bell. No longer forced to play second fiddle to the Kardashian clan, we're betting Kris Humphries is laughing his butt off back home in Minnesota, singing Beyonce's "Best Thing I Never Had" and Justin Timberlake's "What Goes Around." Speaking of the Kardashians in general, we're torn between Vanity 6 song "Nasty Girls" and "Fat Bottomed Girls" by Queen. Thoughts?

For Elin Nordegren, nothing less than Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats" will do, given her ex-husband Tiger Woods and "All the Girls He's Loved Before." The sperminator Arnold Schwarzenegger's got to be singing the Diana Ross hit "Love Child," and his soon-to-be ex Maria Shriver gets Rihanna's "Take a Bow." Smug-looking Eddie Cibrian says "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred, and the women who fight over him, LeAnn Rimes and Brandi Glanville, get "The Boy is Mine" by Brandy and Monica.

Taking a hop across the pond, "I Just Can't Wait to be King" from the "Lion King" soundtrack seems apropos for newlywed royal Prince William. The Duchess of Cambridge, widely admired for her warmth, beauty, and sophistication, is ideal for Tom Jones' song, "She's a Lady." What's a good theme song for royal rebel Prince Harry? We'll go with "Fight for Your Right to Party" by the Beastie Boys.

America's sweetheart Sandra Bullock deserves Linda Ronstadt's "When Will I Be Loved" for her theme song, and the also-single Jennifer Lopez is "Looking for a New Love" a la Jody Watley. Stuck-up yet clueless Gwyneth Paltrow is a nice combination of "You Talk Too Much" from Run-D.M.C. and "You're so Vain" by Carly Simon. Tara Reid, who often appears to be "drunk by six" gets Madonna's "Bad Girl," while blonde bimbo Heidi Montag perfectly embodies "Barbie Girl" by Aqua. Troubled starlet Lindsay Lohan rocked her way right out of the jailhouse, so we'll stick her with "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse. For the grand finale, vertically-challenged and orange-tinted Snooki gets the Oompa Loompa song from the "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" soundtrack.

Now that we're done whistling Dixie, give us your best celebrity theme song ideas!

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