This week, "Bachelorette" Desiree Hartsock and the gentlemen traveled to Munich, Germany. Given this season's underwhelming crop of men, I would have said "Auf Wiedersehen" to all of them.
Chris Talks About 'Kauws,' Dances To Polka Music
The first one-on-one date went to Chris. The date card read, "in München können wir uns ineinander verlieben" (in Munich, we can fall in love with each other). As if anyone believes that Desiree actually wrote that date card!
It was quite amusing to listen to these guys attempt to speak German. Hashtag Kasey bumbled about wanting to kiss Desiree in Germany. Later, when a shop lady explained that the items "come from cows," Chris took it to mean "Kauws," and asked if it was a city.
Square Chris let down his guard and showed a fun goofier side this week, trying on Lederhosen, and dancing to polka music with Des. I was actually starting to enjoy this date (and so was Chris). He commented, "I don't think anything can go wrong." Famous last words!
Bryden Pulls a Kanye
War Vet Bryden had been "struggling with the process" for awhile. Although he had a great first date, he felt that his feelings for Desiree had not progressed since then. Although he stuck around for last week's rose ceremony in Atlantic City, he claimed that the long plane ride to Germany had "given him time to think," and that he realized that he could not continue in this competition.
Unfortunately, this guy has worse timing than Kanye West. He felt that he had to inform Desiree of his decision immediately, even if it meant interrupting her date with Chris. I do have to give him some credit for his honesty. He told her exactly what he told the other guys, that they had a great first date, but that they had "fallen behind" since then.
He also explained that he had to leave now in order to not waste her time. (If that's the case, why couldn't he have left last week before the rose ceremony and allowed one of the other guys to have a chance? Was the free trip to Germany that enticing?)
He Said/She Said
It's possible that there's more to the story than Bryden "just not feeling it anymore." According to Reality Steve, Bryden had been seeing a woman named Becky Weidow just before he left for filming, and that he had resumed his relationship with her after he left. Apparently, she had been posting pictures of them together before and after filming. However, she deleted the photos just after Steve posted the story.
Becky, however, denied being in a relationship with Bryden. As she posted, "Bryden went on the 'Bachelorette' and had the opportunity to fall in love with Des. We have been friends for a very long time and I wished him the best!"
Either way, it's just as well that Bryden left. I was growing weary of his grim sullen facial expressions. He was kind of a Debbie Downer, and to quote "South Park," "nobody likes a Debbie Downer, m'kay."
The group date consisted of a trip to Zugspitze, the highest peak in Germany. While sledding down the mountain, Zak make the token analogy about how love is like sledding, and how you had to learn to let go. He later talked about how he had once considered becoming a priest, but how a soul-searching trip to Europe showed him that he had a different calling. (Picture Mother Abbess singing "Climb Every Mountain.")
At the top of the mountain, a man in lederhosen attempted to teach these guys how to yodel. However, just the word "yodeler" was already a tongue-twister for Juan Pablo and his accent. He referred to him as "juggler."
Desiree and the guys finished their date at an extravagant igloo hotel. Although Desiree seemed to be forging a new connection with James, Babbling Brooks ended up with the group date rose.
Michael G. 'Cross-Examines' Ben
To no one's surprise, arch nemeses Michael G. and Ben ended up facing each other on the dreaded two-on-one date. Before the date, Michael maniacally talked about how today was "Armageddon," how he was going to "murder" Ben, and how he planned to "expose him as a fraud."
The guys disliked Ben because they felt that he was on the show to promote his bar business, and that he had used his son that first week to gain sympathy. They also felt that he was manipulative, and that he didn't know how to get along with fellow men.
There was something disingenuous about Ben's deceptively squeaky clean image. If someone has to keep talking about how he's a "good Christian man," it's a sign that he's over-compensating. If he really was such a "good Christian man," his behavior would speak for itself.
Attorney Michael "cross-examined" Ben, questioning why he didn't go to church or talk to his son on Easter, despite claiming to be devout. Instead of arguing back, Ben left the table, and started crying about how no one had ever questioned his faith or his abilities as a father that way. Ben's meltdown was quite telling. Vitriolic comments hurt the most when there's at least some element of truth.
Yet I'm not giving Michael a free pass either. This season, he made the classic franchise mistake of focusing his attention on this season's villain, rather than concentrating on his own relationship with Desiree. This will eventually come back to bite him.
When Michael confronted Ben in front of Desiree, the "Bachelorette" considered sending both men home. However, she decided to keep Michael. My theory is that she would have sent both guys packing had Bryden not left this week. She needed to keep one of the guys around for the sake of numbers.
The New Villain
With Ben gone, the guys quickly found a new villain to "expose." Drew talked about how James was only on the show to make a name for himself and to increase his chances with other women. Although the guys were eager to relay the information to Desiree, they did not have the opportunity.
After a round of "don't kiss and tell" with Chris Harrison, Desiree announced that she had already made her decision and that she would forego the cocktail party and skip straight to the rose ceremony.
Chris, Brooks, and Michael had roses going into the ceremony. The following guys received roses at the ceremony: Zak, "#Kasey," Juan Pablo, Drew, and new villain James.
Meathead Mikey went home without a rose. It's just as well. Desiree did not seem too impressed with his "min-snowmen" and the "Mikey and Desiree Tenerelli family of 5."
I'm not particularly impressed by any of the guys this season. I'm rooting for Yodeler Guy to be the next "Bachelor."
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