Idol Results Recap: Can't Look at the Stars

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Is there anything more stomach-churning than Ryan Seacrest kicking off an American Idol results telecast with a comment like, “Tonight’s outcome may surprise a few people”?

OK, yeah, maybe the threat of a live, un-Auto-Tuned performance by Britney Spears or Katy Perry — or a half-hour segment called “The Wit and ‘Wisdom’ of Randy Jackson” — might cause more severe nausea, but in terms of results, The Host Who Really Should Have an Emmy by Now might as well have instructed us to have something soft yet firm that could be hurled at our TV screens by the end of the hour.

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Immediately, I started wondering if Harry, J.Lo and Keith were getting ready to use their sole Judges’ Save for Season 13. After all, results shows switch to a merciful 30-minute format once Chris Meloni’s new sitcom premieres March 27. And what better way to create some needed water-cooler buzz than by rescuing an early fave from missing the 2014 Summer Tour (which is limited to the Top 10 finishers)?

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And indeed, after a fine medley by judge Harry Connick Jr (being seductive/mumbly on “One Fine Thing,” then sitting at the piano for “Come By Me” and reenforcing the concept of “hardcore bangage” first coined by Haley Reinhart) and an intriguing showing by tastemaker J.Lo’s pick, Mali Music, it looked like #ShockBoot might be appearing in the lower left corner of our screens.

On that note, let’s get to this week’s results, shall we?

Sent to Safety (in No Particular Order)
Caleb Johnson
C.J. Harris
Dexter Roberts
Malaya Watson
M.K. Nobilette
Jessica Meuse
Alex Preston
Jena Irene

Bottom 3 Vote-Getters
Ben Briley
Majesty Rose
Sam Woolf
(Hey, two out of my three predictions from last night came true!)

Rescued From Jeopardy First
Sam Woolf

Rescued From Jeopardy Second
Majesty Rose

Lowest Vote-Getter
Ben Briley

“Save-Me Song”
Ben offered up a reasonably good (but by no means electrifying) cover of Grace Potter’s “Stars,” and when one of his ad-libs zigged where it really should’ve zagged, you knew he wasn’t getting a life preserver. Keith took the mic and noted the judges hadn’t seen enough “artistic growth,” and Ben’s elimination was sealed.

Now, there are 10. And the Top 10 performance theme: Top 10 songs from 2010 to the present. (Innnnnnnteresting!) The results show — on which Season 6′s Melinda Doolittle has never been invited to perform! — will feature Jennifer Lopez singing “I Luh Ya Papi” (NOT a typo) and pop-rock band Royal Teeth performing “Wild.”

With that, I turn it over to you…

What did you think of Season 13 Top 11 results night? Did the right contestant get the boot? If not, who should’ve been cut? And how did you feel seeing/hearing Harry on the Idol stage? What about Mali Music? Sound off in the comments!

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