Jannifer Lawrence (Joe Scarnici/WireImage)
Would you respond?
Award-winning, twentysomething actress with a rebellious streak, who's most famous for starring in a book-turned-movie phenomenon (no, this is not Kristen Stewart!) seeks a guy who can handle, well, me. I like making obscure references, such as quoting the "First Wives Club” at the Golden Globes, shooting arrows, and having candid conversations with late night talk show hosts. I hate ridiculous rumors, like the one that I'm dating Bradley Cooper, a 38-year-old who's admitted himself that he's old enough to be my father. Gross!
Midwestern gal looking for a regular, non-Scientologist based in the Big Apple to hang out with me and my adorable daughter, who has talent for just about everything – except walking, of course. Besides my family, I'm really into fashion, dancing, as well as cupcakes, ice cream, hot chocolate, and all kinds of sweets. No Tom Cruise fans need apply.
Katie Holmes (Michael N. Todaro/FilmMagic)
Harry Styles (Alex Moss/FilmMagic)
What makes you beautiful? I’m a 19-year-old guy seeking a hot girl who will swoon at my goofy jokes (spoken in an adorable British accent), travel around the world with me (but won't care when I opt to hang with my boys instead of you), and will scream uncontrollably at every note my band performs. It would probably be easier for me to make a date with a stripper or grab a Directioner out of the crowd at one of my concerts, but I’m looking for someone special who can keep me “up all night.” Or at the very least, someone who doesn’t have the means to mock me on the Grammys!
Britney Spears (Fox)
Singer/dancer seeks a steady presence in my "chaotic" life who can sign onto a conservatorship if needed. Likes: Indulging in caramel frapps and flamin' hot Cheetos, spending time with my two little boys, homemade Daisy Dukes, and Auto-Tune. Dislikes: "The X Factor," paparazzi (especially if an umbrella is around), and my damaged weave. You must love dogs, Cajun cuisine, will.i.am collaborations, and movie marathons involving the underrated gem "Crossroads."
Justin Bieber (Paul Morigi/Getty Images)
Swaggy YouTube sensation-turned-pop star with six-pack wants "Somebody to Love." Must not mind if I cry over reruns of "Wizards of Waverly Place" or sometimes have slumber parties with a certain brunette. And seriously, don't make a big deal about it when some woman comes out of nowhere and claims I fathered a child with her or a model I'm spotted with talks about not liking you in some video. If you can deal with that, I just might surprise you by renting out the Staples Center to watch "Titanic" or taking you back to Canada to meet my family. Bonus: I'll probably let you roll in one of my many flashy rides, and I won't even get upset when you crash it! Dislikes? The Grammy committee, having to keep on my shirt, and all the haters. Peace!
Taylor Swift (Francois G. Durand/FilmMagic)
Selena Gomez (Jon Kopaloff /FilmMagic)
Talented singer/songwriter is determined to find my soulmate. Things that make me smile: the Kennedy family, cats, DIY projects, and, well, pretty much everything. Things that make me frown: mean people, especially guys who are so charming one minute and all "maybe we should see other people" the next. I think it's totally deserved when I write songs about them, don't you? Anyway, if you're interested, give me a ring! Have a nice day!
Singer/actress with a squeaky-clean reputation is looking for a guy I can "love like a love song." You should take me on romantic dates and look cute on my arm at red carpet events. My hobbies include being a UNICEF ambassador and hanging out with my celeb besties Taylor Swift and Vanessa Hudgens. I’m a big fan of my namesake, Selena Quintanilla, and musically-inclined fellows who are willing to take off their shirts now and then, but I do not like cheaters. I want to meet a boy who only has eyes for me. Do not respond if you're Justin Bieber ... well, on second thought, do respond. I may or may not get back to you.
[Related: Photos of the Worst Kisses on Film]
Bradley Cooper (Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)
Thirtysomething actor with boyish good looks seeks a leading lady in real life. I like dating actresses – they understand my work – and playing jerks in comedies (see: "Wedding Crashers" and "The Hangover"), as well as cooking, speaking French, and just, you know, doing other things it takes to be one of the sexiest men alive. Naturally, you should be gorgeous and not a fan of you know who.
Zoe Saldana (Ari Perilstein/Getty Images)
Down-to-earth actress seeks good looking guy for long-term relationship. I know a thing or two about commitment – I was in a relationship for 11 years! I love Calvin Klein, "Star Trek" trekkies, and a good cause. Full disclosure: I'm currently struggling with an addiction to Bradley Cooper. Maybe you can help me work through that? You also must be able to deal with my hectic schedule. I have six movies in the works!
Tom Cruise (Jun Sato/WireImage)
Mega-movie star in search of a recruit, er, lovely lady to accompany me to red carpet premieres, remote movie sets, and Church of Scientology events. I’m a single father of three who enjoys Scientology (check out the video!), starring in big-budget action flicks, leather jackets, and riding my motorcycle. Dislikes include reporters who squirt water into my face and Scientology haters. If you haven’t already, please make sure to check out this website!
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