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Kendra Wilkinson Details Postpartum Struggle: ‘It Took Two Years to Feel Like Myself Again’

Goddess: Celebrity Moms and Dads

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Wilkinson and her family in April (Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)

Pregnancy is different for every woman — some give birth and can't wait to do it all over again right away, while for others once is enough. Kendra Wilkinson is in the middle of those extremes for a good reason: she endured a long struggle with postpartum depression and fears having to relive it.

While getting her famous body into Playboy-worthy shape again was important to Wilkinson following the birth of her curly-haired little one Hank Jr. in 2009, she had a far more difficult and personal battle. "It took me two years to not only get my body back, but to feel like myself again," the 26-year-old star of the upcoming reality series "Kendra on Top" tells In Touch. "I was living under a gray cloud and lost who I was." At her lowest point, Wilkinson felt as though she "had nothing to live for."

Another reason she and her 29-year-old husband Hank Baskett are holding off on any new additions is that he's transitioning from the NFL to a new career as an actor, making her the main breadwinner in their family. "I'm not going to say it's easy," she admits. "But I'm willing to work harder so that he can find what he wants to do."

Wilkinson's bout with postpartum depression wasn't the first time she found herself enveloped in sadness. In 2010, the one-time "Girls Next Door" star was interviewed for her "E! True Hollywood Story" and detailed a period in her life — dubbed her "devil years" — during which she used drugs and battled depression. "I ended up becoming suicidal, and I started cutting myself," she told E! of her troubled teen years. "I had so much pain that I just wanted to die. It wasn't that I was trying to die, it was just that my pain took away from my pain inside.

Although depression has been a part of her life, Wilkinson's new series, "Kendra on Top," which premieres June 5 on WETV, is about how she worked through the tough times and is on top of her game. "I look and feel the best I ever have," she tells Radar Online in another interview. "I finally have the body I wished for when I was at the Playboy Mansion, and my humor is back… Lately, I've been living my life as glass half full."

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