Ellen DeGeneres Throws Humor on Breakup Rumors

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Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi (Norman Scott/

Even Ellen DeGeneres couldn't laugh it off when she saw photo of herself on the cover of a celebrity magazine with the headline "Ellen and Portia Marriage Crumbles."

The funny girl addressed the story during her opening monologue on Wednesday's episode of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," but there was a serious message between the jokes: Her marriage is great and the tabloid is lying.

She explained that when she first saw the headline, it took a moment to process.

"It caught my eye because Portia and I were in the top right hand corner. And I thought, 'Oh that's so sweet, they're honoring us,'" she mused. "But then I read the headline underneath. And it said: 'Ellen and Portia Marriage Crumbles.' And I was like, 'Oh, what happened? They seemed so happy.' And then I was like, 'Wait, I'm Ellen.' And I should know if that was happening."

And while she debated whether to read it or not, she admitted that she caved and opened the magazine — to find that the page with her story had been ripped out!

"I'll never know what's tearing my marriage apart," she playfully lamented. "I don't know what's happening."

But she does know, and she took a moment to tell the audience a bit about what her relationship with Portia de Rossi is really like.

"I'm very happily married. In fact, the only thing we ever argue about is who loves who more. That is all. It really is true," Ellen mused before adding, "And we argue if we'd let a kangaroo carry us around in its pouch for a year. I would. She wouldn't. She'll change her mind. Who wouldn't want to be in the pouch of a kangaroo for a year?"

With that out of the way, the host turned her focus to the magazine itself.

"It's so ridiculous to me. There's not one ounce of truth to any of it. I don't know how they can print lies like that," she stated. "And it's tricky because they quote 'a reliable source' or a 'good friend.' Because you know how many good friends would talk to tabloids. All your good friends would. Really – if they want to make it more believable they should at least say 'Portia and Ellen's marriage crumbles, according to a terrible, terrible friend.'" She certainly has a point.

"I don't know how many stories are out there about me," she added. "I don't Google myself, I don't pay attention to paparazzi pictures. I don’t wanna know."

And that approach seems to be working nicely for her. "It’s like if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear, who cares who wore it better? You know? I don't care. What I do know is I come out here every day and I tell you what's going on in my life. And if there's anything you need to know, I'll announce it here first."

As if we needed one more reason to tune in to her show.

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