Kiss Katniss goodbye, Suzanne Collins. More like Fifty Shades of Who Cares?!, E.L. James. Sorry Jonathan Franzen, Freedom’s dead. Looks like the next biggest wordsmith on the literary block is none other than Kevin Federline’s aunt, Daisy Story, who has jumped on the erotic fiction bandwagon and just penned her very own erotic novel based on her nephew's marriage to Britney Spears. And what is this delightful piece of pop literature called? Pop Baby Krissy Doucet! Finally, literature America can really sink its teeth into!
Thank God I am not the only one who thought back in 2004 -- when BritBrit and K-Fed had their whirlwind romance chock full of matching denim ensembles, cornrows and corn dogs– that one day (when no one really cared about the former couple any more) that their story would make a really great erotic novel. Written by K-Fed’s fame-seeking, boundary-crossing, ridiculously named aunt, I wonder if her creepily incestuous take on her own nephew’s lovelife was inspired by too lazy many afternoons spent lounging around the Fresno public pool, drinking rum-infused Hi-Cs and reading V.C. Andrews’ creeptastic Flowers in the Attic?
Here is a little tasty morsel from the book that is sure to win next year’s Pulitzer Prize: “The moment Krissy set her sights on Keenan, she knew he was amazing. Choosing him at the club was one of the best decisions of her life. Yet how can she compete with the beautiful Tara Butler? A woman from Keenan’s past who understands his sexual desires. Would sharing Keenan in Tara’s bed be their only option for love?”
Oh what a tangled web Krissy, Keenan and Tara weave! As far as I’m concerned, there is nothing more special than love in da club. But what will happen to this bizarre love triangle? Purchase Pop Baby Krissy Doucet, available on April 26 for a whopping $4.99, to find out.
And here’s the real kicker: To promote her artistic endeavor, the oh-so-clever Aunt Daisy is holding an online fan fiction contest, where one lucky winner will receive one of the couple's wedding invitations! Who wouldn’t covet a wedding invitation made out of a Kraft Mac ‘n’ Cheese box, written in Cheetos and lightly dusted in powdered donut sugar!? You got me! I’m busy writing up my Britney/K-Fed fanfiction right now!
On the plus side: at least we know that one person in the Federline family isn't illiterate.
Love and creepy aunts!
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- Britney Spears
- Kevin Federline
- Jonathan Franzen