It's the end of an era.
After three years, six seasons and countless drunken fights later, Jersey Shore has come to an end. So did they, in the words of the ever wise Vinny, "go out like true f---ing champions?"
Yes and no.
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To celebrate their final summer, the Seaside crew decided to hold a bonfire which, much to Ronnie's pleasure, is not four crackheads huddled around a trashcan. It is, however, an excuse for Pauly and Vinny to make as many bad dirty jokes as possible.
"This is not the first time I've gotten wood with Pauly," Vinny said, very pleased with himself. "Usually it's in the morning."
Ah! There's that classic wit we'll miss so much!
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At the bonfire, Sammi decides to drop the bomb on her parents that she and Ron have decided to move in together. "It's about friggin' time!" she whines, as her parents visibly stiffen with fear. But Sammi knows her parents are only looking out for her. Plus, it's not like she's going to listen to them anyways!
The roommates then take on their last shift at the t-shirt shop, that awkward part of Jersey Shore that everyone prefers to forgets about. But next time you whine about how reality stars don't actually work, remember Danny and his eight tannest employees of all time.
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Skip forward a bit and after making a fool of Paula last week, The Situation's ex sends the crew some cake. While most of the roommates are wary, Pauly, Deena and Mike dive in. Afterwards, they're still walking and breathing, so they decide Paula wasn't out for revenge.
Someone who might be out for blood, though: Ron. After trying to get back at Sam for locking them out, Pauly and Vinny try to pull one last prank. But in the midst of hiding the sometimes-happy couple's airbed, the failed pranksters poke a hole in it. Fortunately for them, Ronnie turns his anger on Sammi instead of the true culprits.
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The next morning, Sammi might have moved on from the fight, but her emotionally stable baking marathon enrages Ron, who would rather butt heads again.
The day goes on and the roommates celebrate Pauly and Mike's birthdays, a particular milestone for the former stripper who enjoyed his first sober birthday since childhood. "It feels pretty awesome," Mike declares.
But — it wouldn't be the Shore without a Ron and Sammi throwdown. With only one day to go, Ronnie shows that he hasn't changed a bit since Season 1, baiting Sam into a fight and repeatedly threatening to break up with her.
To be honest, this is one nostalgic Shore moment I could've done without. While I miss the drama of the series' past, I was always much more interested in Snooki's vagina-flashing antics over Ron and Sam's uncomfortable arguments.
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Speaking of: You're probably thinking: where's Snooki and JWoww during all of this? They're off being mature adults, that's where.
Yes, Snooki and JWoww might as well be Michelle and Barack Obama compared to the rest of their roommates. Hence, the much smaller role the pair have come to play in Jersey Shore's final season, much to my displeasure.
Later, the group goes off for their final GTL trip where they soon discover Paula's cake wasn't as innocent as Mike wanted to believed. Apparently, The Situation's ex seasoned the crumb cake with an extra-special ingredient: scrotum.
And though they might not be allergic to nuts, per se, Pauly, Mike and Deena aren't too pleased when they get the news about the desecrated dessert. Thankfully, Vinny comes through with both the best and worst solution: defecate in Paula's purse and call it "gooey Vuitton."
Oh, Vinny. Never change.
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The roommates then curl up on the roof one last time to reminisce over their favorite Seaside memories, most of which it seems people would like to forget.
Snooki getting punched, Jenni pretending she was single, Deena's naked striptease for Mike — those aren't exactly scrapbook appropriate, but it did bring the roommates together in a way sober people outsiders will just never understand.
And at the end of the day, we might give the Seaside crew a lot of flack, but who cares? The friendships these guys made weren't just for show. Snooki and JWoww have one of the most heartwarming female friendships on television, and Pauly and Vinny have a bromance to rival the Winchesters.
After moving their stuff out, the entire gang gathers outside the house they shared summer after summer and there wasn't a dry eye in the house (mine included).
"My life is perfect now because of being here," Jenni cried, "so it sucks that I'm leaving."
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