Last night, "Bachelorette" Desiree Hartsock met the 25 men who would be competing for a chance at love.
The "Bachelorette" premiere was entertaining and strangely educational. Last night's episode provided a valuable tutorial in what not to do on a first date. Here's a look at some of the most eccentric characters from last night's show.
Kasey, the advertising executive, works in social media. In an attempt to be witty, he spent the entire evening rattling off hashtags. When he stepped out of the limo, he tried to woo Desiree by describing her as "#perfectbachelorette, #marriagematerial," and saying "#letthejourneybegin."
My guess is that this guy spends way too much time behind the computer, and not a lot time actually talking to women in person. Arie Luyendyk Jr. described it best, "#socialmediasuicide #nerdalert."
Fantasy Suite Fail
Stepping out of the limo, Jonathan handed Desiree an envelope with an invitation to the Fantasy Suite. She declined, saying that she was not that kind of girl.
At the cocktail party, Jonathan mentioned that he was nothing like Desiree's last boyfriend ("Bachelor" Sean Lowe). He's correct in one very important aspect--while Sean is a born again virgin, Jonathan wants to deplete his "love tank" right away.
In his ITMs, he wondered what was "wrong" with her, and why she didn't accept the Fantasy Suite invitation. He argued that he was a great catch and that his mom thought he was good-looking.
Jonathan made another attempt to coerce her into the Fantasy Suite, but to no avail. Desiree shot that down right away, sending him home to his mommy. As Kasey described it, "#fantasysuitefail."
The Big Dipper
Larry the ER guy attempted to sweep Desiree off her feet by teaching her a new dance move. I'm thinking this guy was making an oblique attempt to "audition" for "Dancing With the Stars." Unfortunately, his attempt to "dip" her caused the fabric of her dress to tear.
Poor Larry spent the entire evening attempting to apologize for his literal misstep. During the cocktail party, he was babbling and slurring his speech. Desiree politely asked if he was "sleepy." This guy was obviously sloshed.
Overdressed & Underdressed
Playing along with the Cinderella/fairy tale theme of this season, Diogo the ski resort manager attempted to be her knight in shining armor--literally. After his introduction, Desiree gave a stilted laugh, commenting that he was "so funny." He was overdressed, and she was underwhelmed.
At the opposite end of the spectrum, Zak W. showed up without a shirt, attempting to outdo the ab-ulous Sean Lowe. His opening line was "will you accept these abs?" Later at the cocktail party, he attempted to gain her attention by stripping down to his Calvin Klein briefs and jumping into the pool. The "Bachelor" franchise could have a field day with all the metaphors about love and "taking the plunge."
Zak's efforts were surprisingly rewarded, as Desiree gave him one of six first impression roses (which she clipped to his belt buckle).
The evening's worst dressed award went to Micah who attempted to find some common ground with the bridal stylist. He showed up in a technicolor clown suit "designed by Micah." Seems like he should have been the one to strip.
Nick the part-time magician attempted to woo Desiree by conjuring up a magic rose. Later at the cocktail party, he made a bold move by "making her disappear for 5 minutes" so he could have some alone time wth her. Unfortunately for him, he earned the ire of his competitors and was later interrupted by "Pinstripes Brandon."
Nick and his purple suit were not able to conjure up a rose when it really mattered, at the rose ceremony. Guess it wasn't magic between him and Des.
Baby Daddy Ben allowed his young son Brody step out of that limo first. The charming little boy donned a gray suit and offered Desiree a daisy. When Ben handed Brody back to Grandma, Brody lamented that he wished he could stay for the party. Something tells me Desiree felt the same way. I'm thinking that she was more impressed with Brody than she was with some of those other guys!
Later at the cocktail party, Ben explained that he and the baby mama were never married, and that they were just "two friends who had a baby together." He and Des later bonded over their childhood experiences camping in the great outdoors.
Brody is obviously adorable and charming, but there's something a little wishy-washy about Ben that I can't put my finger on. Then again, I'm generally skeptical of parents who decide to leave their kids for two months in order to sign up for reality dating shows.
Why are there so many B-Men this season? Brooks, Brad, Bryden, Brandon, Brian, Ben (and Brody). Guess the A-List men were already taken.
This is certainly one of the strangest groups of men we've seen in awhile. Still, Desiree couldn't send them all home the first week.
The following guys received first impression roses at the cocktail party: Baby Daddy Ben, Shirtless Zak, war vet Bryden, Drew, Nick M. and Michael G.
The following guys received roses at the ceremony: Brandon, Zack K., Will, Babbling Brooks, Juan Pablo, Brad, Kasey, James, Robert, Brian, Dan, Chris, and Mikey.
Big Dipper Larry, Magician Nick, Knight in Shining Armor Diogo, Mike R., and Micah were eliminated at the rose ceremony. Date Rape Jonathan was eliminated during the Fantasy Suite debacle.
Will Desiree find a suitable match in this eccentric crop of B-Men? Will these guys be able to recover from these off-color first impressions? Are any of these guys "#marriagematerial"? Could any of these guys pass the Nate Hartsock test?
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