Our roundup of the most memorable moments of the Golden Globes:
16. Most Endearing Acceptance Speech: Ludovic Bource, who wins Best Film Score for The Artist, begins his speech by apologizing for being French. His charming English acceptance speech, though, loses nothing in the translation. "I'm better with music than words," he says tentatively. "Right now if I were to write a song, it would be a tap-dance number." He seals the speech with a big sweet kiss for his family.
15. Best Bedtime Voiceover: Michelle Williams wins the for Best Comedy/Musical Actress award for My Week With Marilyn, and in her acceptance speech, she thanks her daughter Matilda for her love, bravery and exuberance, and for soldiering through six months of bedtime stories read in her mom's Marilyn Monroe voice. Imagine all those stories about diamonds and blondes and birthdays and presidents...
14. Most Selfless Shoutout: At the end of Peter Dinklage's acceptance speech for Best Supporting Actor for Game of Thrones, he instructed viewers to "Google [Martin Henderson]," a 4-foot 6-inch Englishman who was left with serious injuries after being flung to the ground in what is seen as a dwarf-throwing-inspired incident. His attacker has not yet been identified.
13. Best Off-Guard Moment: Shortly after Bource's win, Madonna is surprised to grab a Globe for Original Song ("Masterpiece," from her film W.E.), saying: "Hi. This is a surprise. Um, um, um, I'm not French; I have no excuse." It's nice to see the Queen of Pop so flustered that the Anglophile has to pause to elucidate the difference between "who" and "whom." Lovely!
12. Most Apropos Speech: Although Ricky Gervais and Meryl Streep were muted after dropping a couple of curse words, it was The Artist star Jean Dujardin who made us wish we were better lip readers. The actor, who plays silent film star George Valentin in the film, concluded his acceptance speech for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical with a mouthed and mimed thank-you to the audience... in true silent-movie style.
11. Best Sing-Along: Husband and wife William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman sing their introduction of the nominees for Supporting Actress in a Series/Miniseries/TV Movie: "These actresses did stunning work, heartbreaking true and bold/Though four will go home empty-handed, one will take home gold. Don't be humiliated, cuz you all did a terrific job/It's an honor to be nominated..." Then they pause, look at each other, and offer: "Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah." Truth!
10. Third-Best Penis Joke of the Night: To explain how the Best Comedy Actor nominees are different but not so different from their characters, 30 Rock's Tina Fey says that, of course, "Matt LeBlanc is Matt LeBlanc." Her co-presenter, Glee's Jane Lynch Lynch, replies: "And Hung's Thomas Jane... really is a high school coach." They high-five and shout: "Yes! Penis joke!" Fey concludes: "Long walk, but it was worth it."
9. Trashiest Trash Talk: Don't mess with Madge! In response to Ricky Gervais' cheeky introduction of her, in which he clears his throat and announces, "She's just... like a virgin." Madonna replies, "If I'm just like a virgin, then why don't you come over here and do something about it? I haven't kissed a girl in years... on TV."
8. Most Nightmare-Inspiring Montage: In the Cecil B. DeMille Award montage honoring recipient Morgan Freeman, the Oscar winner appears in an early clip from The Electric Company, as a bare-chested Dracula covered in soap bubbles sitting in a coffin, singing, "I love to take a bath in a casket/A casket, a casket is the thing/ I love to take a bath in a casket/In a casket you will never leave a ring!" Try scrubbing that image from your brain!
7. Second-Best Penis Joke of the Night: George Clooney, in accepting his Best Actor award for The Descendants, cracks: "I'd like to thank Michael Fassbender [a fellow nominee for Shame] for taking over the frontal-nudity responsibility that I had. Hey Michael, honestly, if you can play golf like this, with your hands behind your back [as he mimes what can only be described as an anatomical golf club], go for it, man. Do it."
6. Best Inspiration: A trembling and flustered Octavia Spencer, who won for her supporting role in The Help, keeps her act together enough to honor domestics with a quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.: "All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance."
5. Lost in Translation Award: Sofia Vergara delivers Modern Family's acceptance speech for Best Comedy Series. Steven Levitan translates, explaining: "This being an international award, tonight we accept in two languages." Levitan says her appreciation extends to "Modern Family writers who are so funny and so sexy." Soon, it's clear his translation might be a little off. "Film actresses, do yourselves a favor tonight and give them your phone numbers," he says, adding: "They may look pasty and nervous and out of shape but they are the greatest lovers I've ever had."
4. Most Touching Tribute: Although Uggie the Jack Russell terrier's antics could have upstaged any lesser acceptance speech, producer Thomas Langmann was undeterred and delivered a heartfelt tribute. His late father Claude Berri had received an Oscar for his short film Le Poulet in 1966, but lacked the money to travel to Hollywood to receive the award. It was apparent that Langmann's Best Musical or Comedy win for The Artist provided some comfort for the long-ago missed opportunity.
3. Most Loving Spoof: Brad Pitt arrives aided by a cane, because he injured his knee recently. Later, when host Ricky Gervais introduces George Clooney (as "Giorgio Cloono, for some reason), he ambles across the stage using the same cane to get one of the bigger laughs of the night. "I have to give it back to him," Clooney jokes. "He can't make it back to the bar otherwise."
2. Most Unrepentant Host: True to form, Ricky Gervais bit the hand that fed him in his opening monologue. "You get Britain's first comedian, hosting the second-biggest awards show on America's third-biggest network... The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton -- a bit louder, a bit trashier, a bit drunker and more easily bought... allegedly." Gervais also took the opportunity to take a shot at Mel Gibson, promote his new HBO series and put presenter Johnny Depp on the spot by asking, "Have you seen The Tourist yet?" His answer? No.
1. Best Penis Joke of the Night: Seth Rogen woke up the audience -- and his co-presenter Kate Beckinsale -- when he announced, "Hi, I'm Seth Rogen and I am currently trying to conceal a massive erection." Judging by her shaking shoulders, she couldn't seem to stop giggling after that, and neither could we.
What were your favorite moments?
Tune in Monday at 8/7c for Golden Globes Fashion Wrap on TV Guide Network.
- Ricky Gervais
- Ricky Gervais