13 Dating Rules You Need to Break Immediately

By Anna Breslaw

The right guy will think you're awesome whether you're eating a dainty salad or not.

1. Don't sleep with him until the _____ date. Like many of these "rules," if he's the kind of guy who's looking for a girl who follows them, he's the wrong guy. Whether you have sex in the first five minutes or the first five months, he should respect you just the same, because when a woman wants to have sex and has sex, that doesn't make her slutty. Getttt thatttt D. If you want it. OK I'll stop.

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2. Don't ask a guy out. Just let all the guys you don't want to go out with ask you out, while you stare wistfully into your glass of wine wishing you could be having dinner with someone you actually like. Yup, that's a great rule that wastes nobody's time. DUDE. Ask a guy out if you want.

3. Play hard to get or else IT'S ALL OVER, AND HE WILL BE TURNED OFF. Again, if you text a guy within the first 24 hours of a date and he reads that as you being Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, not only is this guy arrogant as shit, but he is a moron. It's 2014. You are not Rapunzel in a tower. You are a woman who has a job and a life and fingers to text with. You do not have time to wait around just because you want a man to think of you in a certain way.

4. Don't make out on the first date. If you want to hook up with the dude at the end of a date, that is great news, because it went well enough that you don't want to run home and drink Drano. Go forth and make out wherever you want. Your apartment? The street? A bar? It's a completely appropriate way to end a great date.

5. Expect him to pay. You and I both know dinners add up after awhile. He's not being a dickcheese if he lets you chip in on the third or fourth date, and you should absolutely offer.

6. Eat a ~*~*~dAinTy sALaD~*~* on your first few dates. If you want dainty salad, that's one thing. If you're doing it to show him that you are a beautiful wood nymph with no esophageal capacity who he can blow away on a gust of wind, $crew that, bro.

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7. If you don't feel attraction at first, stick around and see if it grows. You don't have to settle for the first okayish guy that your vagina does not sparkle for, just because he has a good job and isn't a complete asshole. But you deserve to feel vagina-sparkles when you're with your person.

8. Turn down any plans he tries to make less than three days in advance. Nothing says "healthy groundwork for a relationship" like lying, #amirightladies? #imwrongladies. If he asks you out, and you have no plans, and you would like to go out with him at that time, do it.

9. Pretend you don't care about him. Just be a real person.

10. Pretend you're super-chill and low-key if you're not. Because the whole "I'm not like other girls, I'm a cool girl" act is all Just Great until you give yourself a tumor from pretending to be so chill.

11. Don't talk about "heavy stuff" early on. Otherwise known as the best way to accidentally have a four-month relationship with someone who is a racist doomsday prepper with a really nice butt.

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12. Feel obligated to break it off if it's really hot and fun but doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Hot, fun going-nowhere things are perfect fillers between relationships! Besides the fact that you don't need to be in a relationship in the first place. Especially when you're having sex with that hot, slightly younger guy who you have nothing in common with! I'd high-five you if I wasn't a tiny woman who lives inside your computer.

13. Don't wear something too short or revealing on the first date. Or what? He'll see that you have breasts and legs? I'm not saying to break this rule because he wants to see them - I'm saying to break it because you can wear something as revealing or non-revealing as you want, as long as you're observing your state's public nudity laws. I'm serious. Here are some minidresses to consider. Here are some potato sacks to consider.


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